I keep dead flowers for my cruelty.
Inconsiderate me, and thousand dead flowers.
Consider this:
Dancing on a dying man’s heart and sleeping
That joyful slumber of the cats while you watch them.
God, if thy claims are true,
Thou must be angry with this unruly child
For I am not thy sheep. Silly sheep.
I am an unfeeling lady with interests.
Passions, preferably.
It is not a habit.
It is my eyes which stare,
Eyes carved unskillfully on objects which see me.
You won’t call me cruel
Because you love me, and I know it
Even while I watch you
I know it
Even while I kill you, die
My widow dance would be an event
Of the highest scale
So I will walk free,
Sly criminal, covered in flowers,
Walking free.
Yes, the price one pays for freedom.
"Consider this:" is rather unsightly it may be appropriate in the sense that it would be in character for the poem but still, it just breaks the flow of the poem in a bad way.
ReplyDeleteThe line just after that seems so familiar, hence lacking in originality.
From there on it gets considerably better with amusing allegories and sharp departures from the expected. Quite nice.
Next stanza alludes to understanding of the effect but not the cause, further introspection here could lead to some more nice poetry.
Haha, this one is classic Susan and it's so awesome it may as well be a hallmark. It may only be described as the emotion you feel when you read it.
Brilliance continues in a cute predator style.
Very classy, rest of the poem makes up for the initial discomfort, that however intentional, cannot be excused. Still very awesome overall.
its soo cuute! :D
ReplyDeleteLemme tell you a little more about the above anonymous cute person. His name is Sarath, and a wondeful person. And this dear people is his profile link: http://www.blogger.com/profile/14354771322547023012
ReplyDeleteHe loves his profile :|
the first line has touched me .... "i keep dead flowers for my cruelty". could remend the reader of all the dead flower he/she keeps deep in the mind
ReplyDeletethe lines r so touchy n emotional dat it has etched in my heart n makes me realize dat even a rational person lyk mee has a benevolence hidden somewhere in it......
ReplyDeletekeep up the good work.... anticipating more gud works 2 come!!!
the first thing that catches my attention here , is that the poem's discontinuous. it breaks off at every stanza and it's quite hard to pin it down to one topic. which is also quite disconcerting , since it justs looks like a collection of random thoughts.
ReplyDeleteat other times , each stanza reads like a haiku. which is very very pretty. and the first two lines are very interesting too. :)
apart from that , the poem's real abstract...
:) Its good. For one it definitely doesn't feel like you write for the sake of writing. And hence the feeling shows.
ReplyDeleteWas that for MJ? :)
ReplyDeleteNice lines. :D
hey susan! ssup yaar? no news abt u for a long tym... u had promised mee u wud gimme ur new contact number..bt didn't get it yet! so plzz give it soon via mail or text mee tc...
ReplyDelete